I never told anyone about most of what he did or said. I told my best friend some things, the big things I guess. The times I needed to hear that what he did was, in fact, awful. I just always justified most of it, he didn't mean it, he was drunk. 

I finally got him out of my house over a year ago. A holiday is coming up, Easter, not something that I particularly care much about. I just know that I won't have to get into an argument that morning or evening. Last year I went on a long walk before my mom's house, it was so new to be alone that I don't think that I completely understood the beauty in it. I've realized over the last year, that holidays and birthdays don't have to be a shitshow of arguments and yelling and stress.